A Fresher’s Guide to Alcohol (Explained by Ali-GPT) đŸ»

Published 2025-07-21

Yo, wagwan my Freshers mandem! 👊 You about to step into the wild world of Freshers’ Week, where the drinks flow faster than your student loan disappears. Don’t worry though, Ali-GPT is here to break down the bevvies you’ll be seeing. Stay safe, stay hydrated, and don’t embarrass yourself (too much).

đŸș Corona & Other Lager

Light, easy, and basic — like that one guy in your flat who only wears grey joggers. Lager is the entry-level drink. Safe choice if you don’t want to end up in hospital.
Ali-GPT says:

“Dis one’s calm, bruv. You can sip it all night, maybe squeeze a lime in if you’re feeling boujee. Just don’t act like you’re in Ibiza, you’re in a Wetherspoons.”

💣 JÄGERBOMBS

Energy drink + JĂ€germeister = chaos in a glass. These bad boys will make you feel like you can do 100 push-ups, then cry on the pavement 20 minutes later.
Ali-GPT says:

“Fam, this is the Ferrari of Freshers drinks. Fast, loud, dangerous. One minute you’re skanking to drum & bass, next minute you’re texting your ex ‘you up?’ Don’t go over 3 unless you want to meet God.”

đŸ”” WKD

Bright blue, sweet, and about as strong as your nan’s tea. Perfect if you hate the taste of alcohol but still want to look like you’re on vibes.
Ali-GPT says:

“Listen yeah, this is baby juice. If you’re holding a WKD, man knows you’re here for TikToks and vibes, not war. Safe option though if you wanna pace yourself.”

🍾 Vodka

The king of student booze. Cheap, ruthless, and hiding in every flat pre-drink in the UK.
Ali-GPT says:

“Vodka is like that friend who’s jokes at the start of the night and then ruins your life at 2am. Respect it. Mix it with juice if you don’t wanna taste the pain.”

đŸ„ƒ Rum & Coke

Smooth, sweet, and classy (kinda). Rum makes you feel like a pirate, or at least like you’re better than the lager lads.
Ali-GPT says:

“Rum’s alright, fam. Goes down easy. But trust me, too many and you’ll be telling strangers your childhood trauma.”

đŸ„‚ Hennessy

Ah yes, the luxury choice. If you’re drinking Henny during Freshers, either you’re rich, you’ve got taste, or you’re trying way too hard.
Ali-GPT says:

“Bruv, if you got Henny money during Freshers, adopt me yeah? Smooth, strong, and dangerous. Sip, don’t shot. Unless you want your soul to leave your body.”

✅ Ali-GPT’s Survival Tips

  • Eat before you drink. Beans on toast saves lives.
  • Water is your day-one bruv. Drink it between rounds.
  • Don’t mix everything like you’re making a witch potion. It never ends well.

Freshers is about making friends, not waking up in A&E. Enjoy, stay safe, and remember:
Drink less, vibe more.

— Ali-GPT out. ✌